


What Are You Willing To Sacrifice?

by Dawn_Ruthless



Category: UnREAL (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 09:33:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21847495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dawn_Ruthless/pseuds/Dawn_Ruthless
Summary: Rachel and Quinn pick each other up just as much as they tear each other down, but how will they handle it as their worlds crumble to pieces around them?(Starts from S02E06 'Casualty'. Explores the psychological effects of everything that has happened to our two favourite producers, but with original scenes because let's face it, they should have been canon).
Relationships: Rachel Goldberg/Quinn King
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

Dead eyes stared back at me in the mirror, apathy encompassing my entire being as I photographed the dark bruises on my arms and face. It didn’t feel like my own face was looking at me, but one of a stranger. After all, the real Rachel wouldn’t let something like this go by without speaking up, right?

Except it was me in the mirror, and I was letting Jeremy’s actions go unspoken. But I could totally handle it; girls go through this every day, and I could too. I’m strong enough. I could hold it together to keep my Everlasting family safe. 

The familiar disassociation temporarily muted the feelings of fear and crushing loneliness as I covered up the marks on my own battered body. The feeling was so much stronger as I was forced into silence, with the man responsible knowing too much about Everlasting’s indiscretions. Even as I took the photos, I knew they would never see the light of day. As much as I wanted to turn him in despite the consequences, I couldn’t bring myself to sacrifice the show. 

I couldn’t bring myself to sacrifice Quinn. 

I knew I couldn’t risk telling Coleman, knew he would want to go to the police, not having the same attachment to my Everlasting family. 

I knew Chet wouldn’t keep it from Quinn, although I wished he would. I tried to convince myself it was because Quinn and I were fighting and she didn’t deserve to know, but in reality, I knew it was because I just didn’t want to burden her with even more of my issues. Although it was a moot point in the end, because any chance of Chet keeping quiet went out the window when I snapped at the suitor.

I had barely been in Alabama for an hour when Quinn called me. I wanted to ignore it, but I was never any good at denying her. 

“Hello?” I answered, trying to sound casual on the very minimal chance that she was calling about something not Jeremy related. A hope that went out the window with the very first words she uttered.

“Chet just told me about Jeremy…” She said, her voice containing the subdued anger that was always so much more terrifying than her screaming. “And when I see him, I’m going to rip off his balls, deep-fry them, and force him to eat them.” She was even more terrifying when she uses that tone of voice while painting a very vivid picture of exactly how she was going to enact his very painful punishment. 

I couldn’t let myself accept her vengeful way of showing compassion for my situation though, not with everything that had happened between us lately, and all the bad feelings that were still simmering below the surface.

“Are you seriously going to pretend that you care about me now, Quinn?” The harsh words felt like ash in my mouth, but as I felt myself spiralling further into my mind, my anger and manic emotions took precedence over the obvious concern in her voice.

“I do care about you.” She tried, but I cut her off before she could say anything more. 

“Right.” I spat, before she could cut through the whirlwind and make me actually believe it. 

“Did you pack your meds?” Quinn asked, and with that sentence, the whirlwind became a burning inferno. 

“Oh yeah, god forbid I should have some of my own thoughts without pharmaceuticals pumping through my veins.” I could hear my voice getting sharper as my breath started coming fast and short.

Quinn scoffed and I knew she was desperately trying to get me to see her point of view but I didn’t want to hear it. She hadn’t been there, and she wasn’t there now, so she had no vote on how I chose to deal with the situation. I was not crazy, and I did not need medication. I just needed to forget about Jeremy and everything that happened. I just needed to do my job and make history like I planned when I had Darius agree to come to Alabama.

“Rachel, you have been through a trauma, all right? You are in no condition to produce a show!” And there it was, no matter how much she pretended to care, it was always just about the show. “So I’m going to get on the next flight, and I’m…” She continued, but I didn’t want to hear it. 

“Okay, thanks for caring.” I said sarcastically, hitting where I knew it would hurt. “See you tomorrow.” I finished with a drawl, hanging up before she could say anything else.

Luckily I found my distraction from Quinn as Beth-Ann told me about her pregnancy. I pushed all thoughts of Quinn from my mind as I focussed on the Alabama girl, determined to make this the best season of Everlasting yet. Even if it meant lying through my teeth and telling her that my dad wasn’t my biological dad and that both of my parents loved me so much. It was worth it for the end result though as Beth-Ann agreed to tell her whole family and Darius on live television. Even Coleman’s less than enthusiastic response couldn’t ruin my buzz as I ran around to prepare for that night, even managing to get a ring for Beth-Ann’s ex-boyfriend to make the whole thing really blow up.

It shouldn’t have surprised me that Quinn called Coleman to try and force me back home, but no one was going to steal my moment, especially not Coleman. Not even Quinn. Although I was barely holding back tears as Coleman confronted me, I knew it was just the anger as the two of them tried to gang up on me, forcing me to stand my ground alone.

I could totally do this.

I was fine.

As the metaphorical shit hit the fan between Darius and Beth-Ann, I couldn’t contain my excitement, the producing high sending me leaping into Coleman’s arms, kissing him as I rambled about how happy I was. How happy I was for us. Not even my boyfriend’s hesitance could dampen my mood as I bounced away, no pain or guilt in sight.

I was totally fine.


	2. Chapter 2

Quinn didn’t come to Alabama in the end. After the disastrous reveal (well, disastrous for Beth-Ann), there was nothing that could convince either Darius or Beth-Ann to stay there any longer than they had to. Which was fine by me, I had all the footage I needed to cut together a great episode. I suppose I should have been a little more hesitant to head back to the Everlasting set though, because as soon as I picked up a walkie, Quinn was on the other end.

“Rachel! My office, now!” She barked, and I sighed, considering ignoring her. 

As if she knew what I was thinking – and with our weird relationship, she probably did – Quinn stormed out of the control room and grabbed my arm before I could make a hasty escape. I flinched without thinking and Quinn quickly let me go, her face actually showing rare expression of guilt.

“Shit, sorry.” She cursed, grabbing my hand instead, pulling me towards her office. “We need to talk.” Her voice was softer now, but still firm enough to have me following. Even if I did drag my feet the whole time.

“We really don’t need to talk, Quinn.” I was trying to hold onto the anger, but it was hard with Quinn’s hand still in mine, surprisingly soft given her usual harsh demeanour. She didn’t respond until we were in her office, and she forced me to sit down on the couch.

“Rachel, you can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen.” She began, straight to the point as always. I looked away from her, pouting like a petulant child as I tried to stay unaffected by her presence, which was quite difficult as she sat right next to me, letting go of my hand to rest it around my shoulders.

“I thought that was exactly what I was supposed to do.” I muttered, trying to bring back the numbness that helped me hold it together right after the altercation with Jeremy. It didn’t quite work though as Quinn took my chin gently and turned me face her, her eyes blazing with conflicting emotions. Concern. Fury. Defeat. Sadness.

“Just because you can’t go to the cops, that doesn’t mean you have to ignore it altogether Rachel. It’s going to destroy you.” Quinn’s hand had moved to my cheek, resting it there as she tried to impress on me the seriousness of her words. I clenched my jaw, depending not to let any water reach my eyes.

“I’m fine.” I said, the chant starting to lose its meaning with how often I had been saying it, both to myself and other people.

“Stop saying that!” Quinn snapped, and I flinched again, causing her to soften. “You aren’t fine and I want to help you. Please talk to me.” She pleaded, another thing she rarely did, and something about that tone coming from her mouth broke me.

“I just want to feel safe again.” I admitted, my voice cracking. Now we both looked on the verge of crying but both refused to acknowledge the fact.

“You are safe, Rachel. I made sure of it. Jeremy’s gone, and after my little visit to him today, he probably can’t have children.” There was a sick sense of satisfaction in her eyes that matched my own when I thought of the world of pain Quinn must have put Jeremy through. And she’d done it for me. 

For a moment, sitting there with Quinn’s hands on my face as she told me how she’d defended me, I actually felt safe. With the brief reprieve from the fear came another feeling. My eyes dropped to her lips. There was a moment that we sat in limbo as Quinn noticed the direction of my gaze, a second before I pressed my lips to hers. A muffled sound of surprise escaped her lips, but she didn’t pull away, one of her hands moving from my cheek to the back of my neck as our kiss deepened. The feeling of safety remained, but now there was also wildfire burning across my skin, brought on by the touch of Quinn’s lips, the feeling of her tongue dancing with my own, the warmth of her hand as it trailed down to rest on my collarbone. All my senses were assaulted by Quinn.

A particularly skilled flick of her tongue had a moan bursting from my mouth, and it was the switch that had Quinn pulling away with a gasp. Her eyes were wide, and she covered her mouth with her hand, chest heaving as she took gasping breaths. The sight of a disheveled Quinn, lipstick smeared from my own lips, had me reaching for her again before I had even finished taking a full breath. 

Her hand on my collarbone held me back.

“Rachel…” She breathed, her voice shaky even as she tried to sound firm.

“Quinn, don’t.” I begged, already knowing where this was headed.

“This isn’t right. You’re upset, and in no headspace to be doing this right now.” Her voice was still a little uneven, but the slight distance seemed to cement her determination to end the moment. 

This was where the tears finally escaped, tracking a path down my face, one of them running over Quinn’s hand on my cheek. She used that hand to wipe away the tears then pulled it away, and I felt the loss like a physical thing, squeezing my heart and frying my brain.

“I’m fine, and I want this Quinn. I want you.” I cried, trying again to reach for her. Quinn stood up before I could reach her.

“I’m sorry Rach.” She whispered, high-tailing it out of the room, leaving me curled up on her couch, feeling even worse than before as silent tears fell.


	3. Unexpected Allies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quinn and Rachel are being difficult as usual, while unlikely alliances are formed.

Unsurprisingly, I barely saw Quinn over the next few days. When I did see her, it was a glimpse as she strode through set, yelling into a walkie or quickly dropping her gaze after I caught her staring - slipping away before I could call her on it. 

The irony was certainly not lost on me that Quinn – who stopped our moment before it could really begin, with the excuse of protecting my mental health – was now the one causing me more pain than Jeremy’s blows. 

And then John Booth arrived. His presence seemed to have an unnaturally captivating effect on Quinn, an effect that was devastating to watch. As she fawned all over him, I found dramatic situation after situation to distract myself, improving Quinn’s mood that much further while my own dropped through the floorboards beneath me. 

Oddly enough, it was easier to watch when she was with Chet. While she had more history with Chet, you already knew that he was a walking bozo parade, and had no doubt that Quinn realised it too, despite her tendency to go back to him between relationships. He wasn’t good enough for her and no one was under any illusions about that. While John Booth wasn’t good enough for Quinn either – no one could match her level of beauty and intelligence – he was a far cry closer to being good enough than Chet was. 

Booth was charming, handsome, and rich, qualities that I was unfortunately forced to see every time she brought him to set. Which seemed to be an increasingly large amount, resulting in me avoiding Quinn more and more to the point where she actually had to check that I was still on set. I made myself more visible after that, but even from the other side of my room her eyes still tracked me, an indecipherable look in her dark gaze and emotions buried in her clenched jaw. 

Yet it wasn’t until she tried to actively track me down that I realised I had no intention of engaging in this confrontation with her, so when Quinn went from following me around set with her eyes (and her walkie) to trying to contact me directly, I made every possible effort to avoid it. This led to me stumbling into what I thought was an unoccupied grip truck, only to find Chet, and surprisingly Dan – the AD – blazing up without a care in the world as to who may walk in. 

I envied them in that moment, wanting nothing more to feel the same drug-induced sense of detachment that I could see in their faces and glazed eyes. Dan actual seemed...relaxed, which I had not once seen while he was on the clock. For good reason, of course, a job on Everlasting was anything but relaxed. He looked a little startled to see me, but calmed when I sat on one of the remaining beanbags that were kept in the grip truck, as I obviously not bothered by the fact that they were high on set. 

While Chet always seemed like he was had not a care in the world (Quinn and I did pretty much everything for the man), lately I could see the darkness in his eyes (currently dimmed by the weed), undoubtedly brought on when he fucked up and lost Quinn to John Booth. It’s a look I understand well, as I had been seeing the same look in the mirror since Booth entered their lives. Or before even, when I went to the network. A look I always saw when I screwed up with her, which happened more often than I could keep track of. 

I felt an unnerving kinship with Chet then, which was not something I ever expected to feel. Through the glaze in his eyes, Chet seemed to be sending me a glance of recognition, and pity. 

“Hey little weirdo.” He greeted gently, and while I wanted to bristle at the nickname, I felt too exhausted in that moment to even care. Without another word, Chet offered the bong to me, and I hesitantly took it. I knew I shouldn’t, but I felt like my heart was being torn apart with poisoned-tipped talons. The poison was spreading while Quinn flaunted her perfect new relationship, uncaring that I was struggling under the memory of her kiss, and for once I wasn’t able to obtain the familiar feeling of disassociation without the extra help 

So deciding to stop thinking at all, I put the bong to my lips with no further hesitation, noticing it was already packed. I felt the effects after the first one, not having had the drug recently. As the guys took their own turns, I realised that my mind was still clear enough to drown in my own thoughts, so we all packed bowl after bowl, talking about absolutely nothing of consequence as an hour rolled by without notice. 

It was then that I heard it. You could always hear her before you saw her, heels clacking against marbles and gravel alike. I smelled her perfume next, likely some expensive brand that costs more all of my belongings put together. 

“What the fuck is this? I’ve been looking everywhere for you Rachel! Get up, we’re leaving.” When she spoke, I felt a chill run down my spine, the cold tone of her voice leaving no room for argument as she wrapped a fist in my shirt and yanked me out of the beanbag with no warning. I stumbled a little, the sudden movement too much for my now extremely faded state as I fell into Quinn. She sighed in aggravation and pushed me off of her, about to grab my arm when she stopped herself. The anger on her softened a little as she avoided my still bruised arms, instead wrapping her arms around my shoulders and leading me away without a fight. I chanced a glance back and saw Dan looking at me with pity. 

“Good luck.” He mouthed, drawing a small smile from me despite my current situation. Chet just stared back intensely, an unreadable look on his face as Quinn dragged me away. With a nod to me, his eyes turned to watching Quinn’s retreating form until we were out of sight.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, this is just like me to disappear for months and then post two chapters in a week...all unbeta'd of course.  
> Also, while Chet annoyed the living fuck out of me at the start, he slowly grew on me. BUT I STILL DON'T THINK HE'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR QUINN. But I also don't wanna make him a total asshole I guess? He's still a dumbass though, sorry!  
> I'm really not much of a smut writer either though, but if I could manage it with any fanfic relationship, it'd probably be these two? I'll leave it up to you guys whether you want smut or just the insinuation of it haha.   
> Anyways...ENJOY!

“Seriously Rachel?” Quinn snapped, pushing me onto her couch while she stomped over to her bar cart in a huff. I could only watch in morbid fascination as she poured herself a glass of grey goose vodka, because anything less than top shelf wasn’t good enough. 

“Seriously what, Quinn?” I asked, as if I didn’t know exactly what she was talking about. I may have been stoned as fuck, but I still knew Quinn better than anyone, and this was definitely her weird ass version of being concerned. 

“You’re getting high now? I know you like a few lines with the execs when we’re trying to sell a pitch...but bongs mid-season? Chet’s an addict, he was always going to slip, but he doesn’t have a brain to save anyway. But you...you know this isn’t you.” She just rolled her eyes, trying to act unaffected, but pouring a glass of water for me. Yet she gave herself away with her narrowing eyes when I blew past her and grabbed the gin instead. 

“Rachel...” She growled warningly, but I had no mind to listen to her right now. Even if I had the full capability of my mind, I probably still wouldn’t be thinking clearly around her. In this moment at least, it was my choice to fade her out, to fade out the world. 

Except I still couldn’t fucking fade her out, despite all of the drugs I had consumed, as soon as she was close to me, the world start spinning both out of control and into focus at the same time. My typical reaction around Quinn. Even knowing it wouldn’t work, I downed my glass, hoping the bitter taste of the gin would snap me out of my reverie, out of all the memories that kept me glued in her trap. All of the emotions that reminded me of just how much I needed her to survive. How much I needed her to feel REAL. 

“What Quinn?” I snapped, trying to be tough, but there was no way Quinn –the queen of perception- could miss the tears starting to leak from the corners of my eyes. 

Her eyes widened when she saw the depth of emotion on my face, despite my feeble attempts to hide it. While I knew it would just make me more transparent, I couldn’t stop myself reaching for her bar cart, refilling my drink as if it would make all of the pain go away. Quinn seemed to be at war with herself too, her hand trembling before finally making its way to rest against my cheek. I paused for a second, before stumbling back and away from her touch, not wanting to fall under her spell again. I knew if I let her get too close...that I couldn’t let her go. Just like she wanted. 

“Rach...” Quinn’s face was pained as she watched me stumble back, her hand still raised in the air where she has trieid to rest her hand against my face. 

“Just stop, Quinn!” I shouted. “Stop acting like you give a shit about me, and go play with your perfect boyfriend!” I snapped, using all of my willpower to turn and head for the door without a glance back. I didn’t get more than two steps before a hand grabbed my wrist, pulling me back and depositing me on the couch in one smooth movement. 

“I do care!” She shouted back, and I felt a strange sense of déjà vu, like I had heard the words before...or would hear them soon? She dropped onto the couch beside me, seeming more defeated than even I felt in that moment. 

“Then why are you doing this?” I whispered, the haze of the weed just barely keeping me from crying as I remembered all of the pain I had felt in the recent weeks as Quinn pushed me away, replacing me with Booth, the perfect male specimen. Quinn looked like she was about to deny everything, but her mouth just flapped open and shut, seemingly unable to explain what she was thinking. 

“I don’t know...” She whispered, looking away from me and into the bright stars that had started shining through her full panel glass windows. The confliction was still ever-present on her face, and I just shook my head, about to leave when I saw the utter devastation on her face. 

Determined to make my final stance, and willing to risk my pride in the process, (when wasn’t I willing to risk it all with Quinn?) I sat down on her lap, one leg on either side of her thighs. She gasped and grabbed my thighs, pushing me away for a second before digging in and pulling me closer to her. 

“Don’t you want me?” I murmured, my mouth brushing the soft skin of her neck, causing her to shudder and pull me closer until our bodies were flush, her mouth brushing against my neck. 

“Rach...” She moaned, her hands restless against me as if she were torn between pushing me away and pulling me closer. 

Before she could change her mind, I quickly pulled me shirt over my head, leaving my upper body exposed apart from my bra. After seeing the exposed skin in front of her, Quinn seemed to lose her train of thought, and all of her inhibitions. Her eyes were wide and dark, her eyes tracked the skin that she could see as her trembling hands made their way to my bra clasp. She glanced up at me, waiting for the permission I was more than willing to give, which she quickly used to pull off the offending garment and drop it to the side. 

Her eyes were locked onto the newly revealed skin, and my chest heaved as she ran her hands up my sides to rest on the sensitive area on and around my nipples. The look on her face had me groaning in impatience, and without further prompting, she dropped her lips to lick and suck around them, driving me absolutely insane. 

“Quinn, more...” I moaned, unable to make any more comprehensible words. 

“More, what?” She breathed, nipping at me. I groaned, loud and deep. Maybe I could make one more coherent thought... 

“Quinn, please?” I begged, groaning as her fingers reached down...


End file.
